Of Astonomy Towers and Chimeras
by SakuraLetters
Summary: Curiosity may have killed the cat, but Ed managed to escape with only an easily fixed broken leg. "You pushed Mr. Elric off of the Astronomy Tower! Just to see if he'd land on his feet?" kitty-chimera!Ed, 5th year implied


**Hello, everyone! SakuraLetters here, coming at you with a oneshot crossover! I know I should be working on Utopian Requiem (forgive those of you reading it!) but this idea nipped me in the butt and I simply had to write it. I hope its satisfactory, honorable readers!**

**This idea cropped up when I was reading "A Little Problem" by RandomCheeses. The only thing in common is that Ed has been turned into a kitty-chimera. Please read her story, for it is extremely funny.  
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**Disclaimer: I, SakuraLetters, do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. They are owned by J.K. Rowling and Hiromu Arakawa, respectively. I do, however, own Kyra Larkston and (as far as I know) the idea of someone shoving kitty-chimera!Ed off of the Astronomy Tower.  
**

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Minerva McGonagall had never heard of such a stunt in her entire career—and by an ambassador, no less! The current instigator of her latest migraine was seated in the old chair, which made her seem all the more delicate and innocent. Kyra Larkston was the last person in the school McGonagall had ever thought would do something so…so…_juvenile _in nature, other than Hermione Granger.

"You pushed Mr. Elric off of the Astronomy Tower?!"

"I wanted to see if he'd land on his feet," Kyra replied, her face a perfect mask of innocence and her sea green eyes blinking occasionally to add to the apparent bewilderment. As if she didn't know throwing anything off of the Astronomy Tower—particularly a person!—was wrong!

"Miss Larkston, just because Mr. Elric is currently…part feline does _not_ give you license to throw him off a tower in some poorly thought-out attempt to determine if cat myths apply to him. How did you get him to go along with it?"

"I didn't. We were leaving Divination and he was there and the idea just popped into my head! Seven out of ten times I act on thought; I wasn't planning to shove him off the tower, it just happened! Oh, and he does, by the way."

"Does what?"

"Land on his feet."

"He has a broken foot and a leg because of your little experiment!"

"Madame Pomfrey probably already has him fixed up. In fact, he's probably headed this way now to drag me to the Astronomy Tower and shove me off."

McGonagall's left eye twitched. The fact that Kyra could say it so calmly proved that there was something just not connecting right in her brain. What on earth had happened to the polite, kind eleven-year-old that had first entered Hogwarts? Did Slytherin house just have some ability to turn every normal person misfortunate enough to get sorted into it into an absolute nutter? Or was Kyra just screwed up to begin with?

"Professor McGonagall, if I have any hope of escaping a less-than-pleasant meeting with the ground I have to go now. Ed had the cat DNA to help him survive the fall, but I'm one-hundred-percent human. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have to run for my life."

How could she say this so calmly?!

Kyra practically waltzed out of the office. In the moments that the door was open, McGonagall heard several students screaming and begging for mercy. Then—"Now, Ed, be reasonable—return your auto mail to its original state immediately! How about I find Umbridge for you and then you shove her off instead, hmm?"

McGonagall decided against going out to see what was going on. Whatever happened would be—wait, did Kyra say Umbridge? Of course, McGonagall hated the fat toad as much as most of the student body, but honestly!

"Miss Larkston! Mr. Elric! You will not push Professor Umbridge off of _anything!_"

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**Personally, I'd love to shove Umbridge off a tower. However, I think McGonagall would be forced to intervene on Umbridge's behalf, what with being a teacher and all. Also, I'm thinking of doing an actual story from this. Do you think I should? Please review and remember: flames will be used to roast marshmallows or homunculi. **

**-SakuraLetters  
**


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